Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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