Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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