Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
