last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
