at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
