You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Boobs are out for the taking
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
