i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
