coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize