Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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