Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
