highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
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I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
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In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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