Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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