Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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