i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
