No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
