bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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