I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
