I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
