I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
