i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
