Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
