I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I love having hate sex.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
