turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you had me at cake vodka
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
