Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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