I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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