Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
