Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
