its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
