she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
