I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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