It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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