can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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