My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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