Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
