im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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