What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
