One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
