Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
