Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
