I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
