please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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