I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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