new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
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