piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
