Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
