Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
