so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
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I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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