My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
