i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
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I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
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I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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