so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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