I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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