And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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