Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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