the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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