Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
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