I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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