Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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