They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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