she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
soo... how was my night?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
