If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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