When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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