my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize