im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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