I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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