Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
