hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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