So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
