Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
