I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
