I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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